


Everyone I know goes away, I am still right here

by 1000lux



Category: Peacemaker Kurogane
Genre: Alternate Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Some angst, historical spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:42:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1000lux/pseuds/1000lux
Summary: The war ends, as wars go with endings.Years later Shinpachi will write down his memories of his friends and comrades.But for now, things are happening, taking no account of what people will write later.





	Everyone I know goes away, I am still right here

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own rights to the series or it's characters!
> 
> So, after visiting all the original Shinsengumi sites in Kyoto myself, I've finally written the fanfiction I've been wanting to write since I've first read Peacemaker.
> 
> The title is a variation of the lyrics from the song Hurt by Johnny Cash.
> 
> Parts surrounded by '~' are backflashes.

Hijikata doesn't kiss him anylonger. Too high the risk of infection. Instead his lips are kissed by fresh blood leaving his body like the rats the sinking ship.

And it's over, they all know it is, even while they're still fighting, all of them still fighting. Different battles but equally futile.

*

The war ends for Sannan with a conscious decision. It ends on an afternoon with Soji's sword and thoughts of Akesato.

The war ends for Kondo with a verdict of treason and a public execution.

The war ends for Sanosuke not until the last moment when blackness sweeps him away in a hospital bed.

The war ends for Shinpachi with dead friends and a lost cause.

The war doesn't end for Hijikata.

*

The war is over. Done more like it. The Shinsengumi are destroyed. The Republic of Ezo is gone as quickly as it came. The era of the Bakufu is well and truly over. Hijikata drags his worn body back from Hokkaido. In all the bloodshed and death ironically unharmed, despite the news of his death, which is probably the only reason he can travel as unhindered as he does.

It pulls him back to Kyoto. For what purpose he doesn't know. He doesn't know who's still alive. Knows only who's dead. 

The only reason to return to Kyoto is gone. Soji has long since died in an Edo hospital. Without him. Without a sword in his hand. Frail and hollowed. Like he remembers him when he left him behind, all of them finally acknowledging that he wasn't going to get better, that there was no more use for this charade. And painfully enough that's all Hijikata seems to be able to remember of Soji these days. Not the constant laughter. Not the fierceness in battle. Not the lithe body pressing against his, eyes that looked deadly in battle only hours before, peaking at him dark and needing under black bangs. Not even those same eyes looking at him with disappointment and anger, the swinging step moving away from him, dropping expensive sweets to the ground. No, all he can see are blood spattered lips and hollow eyes. Papery, yellow skin, spanning too tight over bone. The graceful steps losing all of their grace until there weren't any steps at all. Dying, just not dead yet. That's all that's left for him of Soji?!

He stops in front of their old headquarters in Mibu, where it all started.  
A sweets shop has opened beside it. How ironic. Hijikata feels a dry chuckle move past his lips. The first laugh he's uttered since he left Soji's side. Not that there was much to laugh about in the last months.

A skwewer of dangos moves into his field of vision. And he should have seen that coming, would have seen that coming only a few months ago.

"It's very good I assure you." A voice he knows informs him.

He's pale. Thin. Still wearing a smile though, as he bites into his own set of dango.

~  
In an Edo hospital far away from the death throes of the Shinsengumi, Soji Okita waits to die.  
~

"I'm staying at a nice guesthouse close by, I'm sure they'll roll out a bed for you too. Come." Soji waves him away from the house. "What happened to Tetsu-chan? I hope he didn't get killed?"

"No. I sent him away with my memoirs... To my family." Hijikata replies perplexed and frozen, if only in his mind, as his body sets to follow Soji.

~  
The Bakufu ends around the same time that Soji realises that he'll never hold a sword again but that he's not going to die.  
~

They make it to the guesthouse and indeed they roll out another bed for him. Hijikata stays there, sitting in the room Soji's been occupying for– Hijikata doesn't even know how long Soji's been back from Edo. Doesn't know anything at all. Knows only that his hand that's been clutching Soji's for ever since they sat down is touching solid flesh. Even though solid is maybe taking it too far. Delicate, fragile, that's what Soji's hand feels like and still it's the most solid anchor Hijikata's had in months. For the first time in many many bloodsoaked weeks full of destruction, death and falling bodies left and right, Hijikata feels like the world has stopped spinning.

*

There's a dry cough here and there and he tires quickly but no blood on his mouth or his hands.

"Maybe it's still going to kill me," Soji says offhandedly. "The infection could come back. Who knows."

They both know though that Soji has no intention of dying. None at all. And, maybe, like so many opponents who've fallen at Soji's hand in battle, death has missed his chance too.

*

They move to Osaka. The sea air is good for Soji's lungs.

They open a sweets store. Typical Kyoto sweets, even though no one realises that because Soji is shit at it. Most of the work is done by Hijikata anyway, when Soji, who moves like an old man these days has yet again to take a break and sits on the porch in the sun, while the former vize captain of the Shinsengumi sweats in the kitchen, covered in flour and anko as he used to be in blood and dust.

They have a pig again. It's too big already to call it cute. But Soji regards him with big watery eyes whenever he talks about eating it (half-heartedly). He calls it Tonkatsu, just to spite them both, but the truth is, he's rather fond of the big fat bastard. And it does happen that he comes to sit on the porch, drinking his tea, with a big wet snout in his lap. And sometimes it even gets it's own cup.

Hijikata has stopped smoking even before they arrived here, but he hasn't stopped scaring the children who mill around the store, every chance he gets. Not that it has much effect these days as they know him as the man who shares a cup of tea with a pig.

Soji exhausts quickly and has a temper that doesn't match his stamina. He catches every cold that goes around and some days he can't even get out of bed. But he's had worse days, they both have. Right now they are happy and alive, which is more than either of them expected to be at to be at this point.

**Author's Note:**

> Actually this story was sparked by some article I read years ago, which stated that there wasn't actually any proof that Soji had really died in that hospital.
> 
> I even did some research on the survival rate and aftereffects for untreated Tuberculosis, which was pretty gruesome.


End file.
